I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
