Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
