Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
