he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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