well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
