I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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