There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
