Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
