he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The Olympian is in my bed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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