I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
