life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
