he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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