my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
