Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
