Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
