so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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