the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
