OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Terrible idea I love it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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