i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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