So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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