When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize