Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
