I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We had to coat check the pizza.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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