i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
