FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
