shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
