I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
