bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
