So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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