Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
