You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
