she woke up with a sticky ear
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You don't make any sense
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