The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
