Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
