My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
