That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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