I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
