Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
