I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
