He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
