I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
