I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
