You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
