it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Banned from zoo.
Again?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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