this beer tastes like vomit already
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
