tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
