i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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