It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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