I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
