dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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