you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
