so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
