we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
