You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
