i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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