my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
