I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i now understand why vodka
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
