Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
