hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
