Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
