he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
