We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
