this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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