mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
