I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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