you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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