i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
