Kiss
Puke
too bad you live with your parents still
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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