My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
