my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
