News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
