Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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