I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
