You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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