If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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