i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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