Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
